Alright,
Get ready for this one. Grab your fav drink & snacks and stay with me. I can eat my body weight in crisps and drink enough Diet Coke to alarm my dentist so I have this by me. I’ve had a chat with my scales to mind their own business too…
Anyway, let’s do this!
This will be a bit of a long read. But I promise, I will try my absolute best to not let you get overwhelmed. Ride it out with me – it is worth your time!
I can give you all the tools, worksheets and exercises to develop self reflection skills (and I am on a mission to do this so don’t worry it is coming) but they are going to add no value if you are not comfortable with what comes up or you disassociate entirely.
Been there, done that and got the medal.
So I know how overwhelming and scary self reflection can feel, especially if you have learnt to squash down those feelings.
That’s why the first step is curiosity.
Getting curious about what thoughts and emotions are coming up for you without judgement or being self critical.
Chatgpt hasn’t got the ability to read your mind and neither has anyone else so whatever is coming up is yours only. No one else has to know.
Even if you pick up on negative thoughts about yourself or your abilities, there was likely something or someone which put those thoughts in your mind in the first place possibly years ago. We are now on a journey to unwind that.
But the only way you are going to start to understand YOU, is by being curious. Let whatever comes up, come up. At this stage it’s not even about understanding why, that can come later.
For now, make a note of what consumes your mind.
- Any fears you have.
- Anything which feels overwhelming to you.
- Any emotions you feel (it’s okay if they are hard to name right now).
- Any behaviours you keep showing but are unsure why.
- When do these feelings crop up? Around certain people or situations?
- Anyone in particular in your life who triggers these thoughts.
- How do you react to these thoughts and feelings – do you try and avoid, distract, deny, criticise or accept them.
Get it out of your head and onto paper/ your notes app.
Now what happens next is key.
Don’t tell yourself any stories about where this is all coming from, don’t blame your ex, family, childhood.
Hear me out – even if they have contributed to how you are feeling which chances are they probably have, we are not denying this. But by playing the blame game disassociation and denial will creep in.
Don’t beat yourself up for what has come up and definitely don’t tell yourself that this means all hope is lost.
Being curious means accepting the good, bad and ugly. So do that. Own everything which has come up as being yours.
Yes untangling it may take a while but you are not a bad person for it, you are not hopeless and this doesn’t mean everyone else is better than you.
Stay with it – this is what holding space for yourself means.
As I said, we can work on what happens after this but for now I am going to leave you with this.
Do this multiple times until it becomes habit and feels comfortable (and it will take a while to feel comfortable). Don’t worry about getting it perfect.
That’s all for now, my Diet Coke has run out…
With love and joy,
Soft Armour
Soft Armour 