Leadership- giving and receiving the permission to be human

It was a long morning.

The clock showed 11am but it felt like hours has passed just trying to calm the chaos.

It was my first day back from annual leave, I was trying to switch back into “work mode.” An overflowing inbox, a regulator to keep happy and catching up on all the moving parts of the business in this current environment. 

All while wearing my other hat – the carer hat for my family. The worries and responsibilities today were overwhelming.

After a few days with my family, I was heading back to my flat in London that evening. But not even the caffeine rush or deep breaths could quiet the guilt today. The guilt of living my own life versus not doing enough for my family. 

And on top of that? Back-to-back calls. 

I was about to join my next meeting – a team update on month end and catch up after my leave. My team are my pride. I trust them to do what needs to be done and they know I am here when they need me. 

Being a good leader is something I constantly strive towards. But no one talks about how overwhelming that can be itself.

You can read every leadership book and attend all the courses but there is a kind of emotional adaptability leadership requires that no book or workshop can fully prepare you for. 

Still, I’ve always tried to create a culture where we honour the fact that people are people first, employees second. Because that’s the kind of place I want to work too. The kind of place that makes it easier to show up even when life is heavy.

I want to hear real answers when I ask, “how have you been.” I want to hear all the details, I want to know what play your daughter is in and even how often you take your dog grooming. Not to intrude but because these details matter and will inevitably shape how we show up each day.

It’s not always easy though. 
And that’s the part we don’t acknowledge enough.

There’s often a gap between our intention to be a good leader and the reality of overwhelming deadlines, personal struggles and the pressure to meet business targets.

Most of us intend to be good leaders but how do we balance that with our own mental load? Our own families? Our own aspirations?

It shouldn’t be that the “people aspect” is the first thing we drop when things get tough. But no one really teaches us what to do instead.

I also recognise that for some, work is an escape, a place of structure and validation amid all the chaos going on in our lives. I have been that person too. 

So I’m always conscious, what if I ask too much? What if someone’s not ready to open up?

But today, it wasn’t about leadership. It was about being human.
It was about me.

As I joined the teams call, I was trying to gather my thoughts. I am open with my team about my own struggles. You can’t create the desired culture and change without living and breathing it yourself first.

But sharing always feels uncomfortable especially when you are struggling to process the chaos. 

But I did share.

I told my team that this morning I was feeling overwhelmed with my responsibilities and worried about my parents. How the guilt of not doing enough was creeping in even though I know I can’t be here all the time.

I told them about how my dad was starting to forget things and lose interest in things and I was beginning to worry about what this meant for his health. 

I shared how during my time here I didn’t even have time to call someone to fix the plastering in the house which was falling apart.

They listened. They always do. 

But then something beautiful happened. 

One teammate shared a story about their first flat, how it was falling apart and had mice but they got through it.

Another said they were spending their weekend reading a 30-page document to sort out their mother’s estate who had recently passed away.

In those few moments, we were all just human.

We shared laughs at the situations, we listened and just showed connection. Not by offering solutions but by being present. 

The rest of the meeting was spent talking about work. But the first five minutes had a profound impact on me. I felt lighter and believed I could get through it.

It changed my day. 

When the call ended, I had to take a moment to ask myself “wow, what was that?” What had my team done or given me which made such a difference?

The answer was simple – they gave me permission to be human.

There is so much pressure on leaders to get it right, manage performance, meet targets and steer through change. I recognise my team also have their own struggles to deal with on top of work. 

Amongst all of this, sometimes we forget to show each other that we are human. 

No big talks. No keynote speakers. No team bonding days.

Raw moments where we mess up, have hard days and might not get it right. 

And maybe that’s the real foundation of leadership.

Giving and receiving the permission to be human.